I have been a slacker the past 2 weeks. No SSS. No PPT. No excuses. I was thinking I have nothing to say that matters. That is not positive! The disease of addiction wants me to think negative. Not see me in a good light. It is so powerful sometimes. Not the obsession part. That has been gone for months. But, the feeling that I have nothing to offer. Then a conversation comes along that makes all the work I've put into recovery a little more worthwhile.
When my Board order was put into effect in August 2007, my whole mindset was that I would do what was put out in the order & the contract that the PRN (professional recovery network-for RPh's & Dentists) and no more. Attend & complete an outpatient program (IOP), do 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, sign up for random drug screens, and continue at least 4 meetings per week for the duration of said order. That was so much I could not see any light at the end of the tunnel. I was only going to find out what to do & then I could safely take narcotics again. WRONG.
Every day since then has been a day without drugs. The obsession is gone. I made the 90 in 90. I finished IOP. I do random drug screens (all clean). I do at least 4 meetings a week. These are all the things I HAD to do.
Now for all the things I do because I WANT to. I usually attend more than 4 meetings a week. I chair a meeting every week & have for a year. I go to the Area meetings and have a small role in our Regional NA business. I am real active in other service work. I serve as secretary for an area sub-committee that serves as Public Information. I recently stepped down at the end of a 6 month committment as Panel Leader for taking weekly meetings to our local detox unit. It is such a treat to be of service. It somehow completes my foundation of recovery.
Now possibly a new adventure. All because of addiction! Amarillo is kind of isolated up in the Panhandle of Texas. All of West Texas (from here to El Paso) is kind of isolated! Part of my contract with PRN is to attend at least 1 seminar (CE) per year that they put on. It deals with addiction/recovery. The Spring seminar was this past weekend in Austin. There are at least 4 RPh's from Amarillo. Not sure how many dentists. There is a regional monthly meeting group in the larger, more populated areas of Texas. Not in Amarillo at this time. The PRN staff is looking at developing one in the Panhandle & talked with me a little bit about helping to put it together. I know it's a compliment, but addicts are hard headed when it comes to accepting compliments! I tend to think it's also because I'm not working and because I'm a woman. We just organize stuff better!
The other thing I've thought about for these past 2 years is reaching out to pharmacy students. There is a School of Pharmacy in Amarillo (thru Texas Tech). I've never considered myself to be a good speaker, but I felt like it was something I wanted to look in to. I met another pharmacist from Houston who speaks to 1st year students at the University of Houston School of Pharmacy. It was a God thing. She left before I could get her contact info, but 1 of the guys from Amarillo has known her for years.
Keep these last two things on your prayer list. I don't want to jump in to either without being ready. I always knew there was a reason I became addicted later in life. I am an example. Now I need to become that recovering example. There is life after active addiction.