Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Positive Post Tuesday

I attempted this once today and the flashing cursor gave way to the screensaver. Why is it some days are harder than others to think of something to say. Then I read someone's PPT about humility, although the word was never mentioned, it sure sounded like a lesson in being humble.
It's hard for an addict to be humble, even harder as a recovering addict. You have to relearn those things that took up residence in the back of your brain, along with a lot of other ethical things I was raised with. (I know, don't end a sentence with a preposition). When I first got clean, I couldn't just say thank-you. I was stubborn about people helping me. I snapped at people helping me. I could not see that it was just help. That person didn't want anything in return. They were just being gracious. I felt I had to explain my life story with every thank-you. It's still hard, but easier than it was 18 months ago.
It feels good to help someone again. I never want anything back. Sometimes don't see the end result of my help. I never know what I may have said in a meeting that someone actually listened to & used. I just know that it does happen, because it's happened to me. I may not use the advice today or even tomorrow, but I have it somewhere a little closer to the front of my brain function. It's no longer filed away, clouded by drugs, clouded by guilt & shame. It feels soooo good to give back and not expect something in return.
I have a friend who went to prison for vehicular manslaughter. It happened Fall '07. He never one time talked about it (afraid we could be called to testify later), never complained, and has lived his recovery 1 day at a time since March '08. He is 23 years old. He got 5 years in prison & will be eligible for parole in 2 & 1/2. Tonight at an Aftercare program at the out-patient treatment center we all went thru, we had a Christmas party. He was just sentenced in November and was moved yesterday from county jail to the state's intake center. His thoughts were of all of us. He had sent a 3 page letter to our counselor. I'm getting teary-eyed again! This kid is so full of life and has so much left to give back. He said recovery goes on in prison; albeit a little differently. His girlfriend & his dad came tonight, too. I actually knew what had happened, but didn't know when the case would be heard, etc., but he still never let on. He came to Aftercare, as usual on the 1st Tuesday night in November, and on Thursday, he was sentenced. I knew he hung on for a little longer with his hug that night! I stare at my stationery the same way I did this post. What to say. What advice to give that doesn't sound wrong. I feel bad I haven't written him. I was one of 4 people he mentioned by name in his letter. That makes me feel more guilty. He sounded so upbeat, so I know his Higher Power (who he chooses to call "dude") will keep him centered. I have to remember that any mail is probably great, even if I ramble.
As I am doing now! I think I'll rumble on to bed. This didn't really go where I thought it would, but it very rarely does!

1 comment:

Lisa said...

You do have so much to give! You have given me friendship and encouragement even though we have never even met face to face (or even talked voice to voice.)
I know you've been feeling blue because this Christmas things have been a little on the lean side, but look how much you give of yourself! Isn't that what Jesus came to do? Isn't that what Christmas is about? I think you are an amazing woman whom God is using to minister to others. Be the gift! Merry Christmas, my friend!