Well it is Tuesday and I will be positive, whether I want to or not. "Living life on life's terms" is a daily motto of recovery. In less than 2 weeks I will have 18 months without pain pills & my favorite muscle relaxer! It has not always been easy. The fact that I'm a pharmacist and work around these drugs all day long has got to be scary for those I work for & with. It's scary for me sometimes. I would be lying if I said it wasn't.
I stole from my employer, I lied to everyone (doctors, family, co-workers, myself), and I self-medicated until I couldn't see me anymore. I did things that embarrassed my family. I haven't come far enough to make amends yet, but I continue to work every day to get to that step. I know I can't change any of my actions, but I can live for today & make living amends as I go.
God never left me during my addiction. It was hard to feel all He had to offer when I was numb from drugs. There was no clear mind with which to listen to any message He was giving me. God was and is patient with me. For that I am grateful and positive that I become a better wife, a better mom, a better co-worker, and a better me. God took that craving away. He can keep it. It's hard to explain how good it feels not to want to take those drugs anymore. Only someone like God can take that craving away. Wow.
I am thankful God has my back and that He brought me into a 12 step program that is reteaching me how to live. God made me the way I am and followed me into the desert of my addiction. No one else did. No one else knows what I was really feeling. It seemed like no one cared anymore. People have come into my life in the past 17 & 1/2 months that are awesome. People I never would have met if I hadn't been "forced" into recovery. God is great!
Last night I drove an hour north of Amarillo to attend an NA meeting that some friends started about 6 weeks ago. There were 7 people in attendance. It was neat to meet some new people and see the need for a meeting closer to their homes. A lot of people have to drive for an hour or more to get to a meeting. The Texas Panhandle is pretty big. Please pray for this couple, that they remain devoted and continue to grow in their recovery. "Personal recovery depends on NA unity" was kind our topic last night. We can not recover alone. Being alone is dangerous ground. Only with the help of God and other recovering addicts, can I grow in my walk with God & recovery. It is this unity that works.