Sunday, November 30, 2008

Living Life without Sunday's with Bebo & MM

Just as it was hard for Brody to get up this morning & rejoin his regular Sunday gig, it was hard for me to not be in a chat room full of MM fans tonight. It is a little bit of a letdown, but if I let it go to far am I not a little too groupie? My husband & daughter thought I'd lost my mind! I'm glad I didn't (lose my mind)!
The last time I lost my mind, I was caught stealing drugs from my employer. Who would ever employ a pharmacist who got caught stealing from the candy store? Two wonderful people in the past year have given me an opportunity and I thank them for their braveness. I don't even know who that crazy girl was. Someone in physical pain, who has found she was also in spiritual pain. What a hole in my life there was; or so I thought. Thank God there is a God who has always been there, just waiting to hear that cry of surrender. There was never a hole in my life, just some wacky brain freeze that lasted a little too long. The physical pain is still there. Too much nerve damage for it to be repaired. I will never be "normal" but I can continue to grow spiritually and pay it forward. I love to pay it forward.
I am so sore from "fluffing" my artificial tree. I am allergic to the scent of real ones. I think I'll hire a fluffer for next year! Will do a little each day-with help from my wonderfully patient husband. Too, bad Amanda had to go back to school. It was great to have her home for a few days.
There are so few days at home left. She will graduate in May and fall who knows where. Dallas, Austin, or Cleveland. Only God knows. I am flying to Waco on the 18th to go to 2 of her best friends marrying each other. She is a bridesmaid. God brought them together as freshman-the 2 friends had known each other for a long time-mix in a few others & a forever group was formed. She has a forever group from high school, too. She's finding it harder for all of them to get together even during holidays. She told me not too long ago, that she didn't want to grow up! I think it's happening. I told her it was a little late, that at 22 she was almost there!
Phones ringing, she must have arrived back in Waco. Oh, I had a point when I brought up the wedding. I am riding back for 7 hours with her. What wisdom shall I enlighten her with. There's not much time left for those mom/daughter talks. I guess there will always be time, but they won't be in-the-car-in-your-face moments. Cherish them. Wisdom. God help me out.
Miss all you SLOBbers. It's a quiet Sunday night.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


You know what? This is a week of Thanksgiving. No room for feeling sorry for myself. Why is it my faith seems to take a straight & easy path and I insist on taking a left along the way? Is it that human factor? Anyway back to giving thanks.
1. Thanks to God for my home, cars, and family. Oh, and the turkey thawing in the frig!
2. Thanks for family. I have a wonderful husband of 22 1/2 years. He has put up with a lot and always has an answer for my question. I have a wonderful daughter who is a senior at Baylor. It can't be! I have 2 step daughters who live kinda far away. They are wonderful. 1 daughter has 5 kids (grandkids), from 1 to 14. The middle child, a feisty 7 year old, recently told his mother that he didn't think the vegetables on his plate tasted as good as last year! I wish we could see them more often. They lost their other set of grandparents in a car accident in February. The grandparents were on their way to babysit them. It is going to being tough for my son-in-law & the kids. Somewhere in this tragedy is a way to give thanks, but sometimes it's hard. My daughter took it hard because she has spent alot of time visiting Cleveland.
3. Thanks for friends, old and new. My goodness, my life has changed so much in the past year. The friends I have made thru NA are true blessings in my life. They understand "the mind of an addict". They helped me to understand that even prescription drugs can be a menace when used incorrectly.
I already knew that, but couldn't see it in myself. My new friends all have an interest in all things MM. God knows how & when to put the people in our lives that help shape our lives. Isn't that something to be thankful for! Friends, near & far, are a blessing in my life & I am trully thankful for them.

Everyone have a blessed week. Every day is Thanksgiving. Giving without expecting anything in return is such a boost in self-esteem. The joy of giving is such a great feeling. I love it!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Job hunting

It was very sad to walk out of the store last night. The economy is hitting hard with everyone. Even pharmacists. I had a wonderful send-off. All of my techs made wonderful Mexican pot luck. From homemade chicken enchiladas, to homemade tortillas, to fajitas, to beans, to spanish rice, to Italian Creme cake (well it wasn't all Mexican). It was great to work with such dedicated people. Small pharmacy with customers that have been coming in for 30 years and 2 generations of families. Independent pharmacy is a tough thing to do right now with the BIG GUYS who offer Rx's for $4. It's hard to compete with that.
Not a good time for no job with Christmas right around the corner. I know it's not all about gifts, but with 5 grandkids 1200 miles away, it's hard to not think about gifts. This will be their first Christmas without their other grandparents. They lost their lives in a car accident in February-on their way to babysit for them.
I'm sounding kinda crybabyish this morning. I'm not really. I'm just a little sad. It's hard to find a job when your license is on probation. I am so glad God has my back, even if I'm seeming to question who's in charge anyhow.
I am so glad for the MM friends that I have made in the past 2 weeks. My goodness, God opens up the world when we least expect it. From Indiana to Hawaii. Who would have known? I go to see MM 1 night and have great new friends the next. Thanks to God for using MM & Brody Harper & the folks at ustream who wanted it to be the best broadcast.
Maybe I'll go make some PB cookies right now. Thanks, Sarah.

Thursday, November 20, 2008


Today is a reminder that Indian Summer in the Texas Panhandle is OVER. It was 76 degrees yesterday. The famous panhandles winds started roaring about midnight Wednesday. And just for Sarah: it was 30 this morning with a windchill of 15! It has warmed a little and the wind has died a little. I think it may be 40 now. My hands are so cold I'm having trouble typing. Not really. : ) The weather in Hawaii, however, is 84, feels like 86. Keep my cold hands in your prayers, Pokinatcha.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Things I'm grateful for

1. The first thing above all, is God. Only He know the direction my life is taking. It is hard sometimes to feel protected when all around me seems to be in chaos. I hate chaos.
2. Family. A family who is supportive of me and all I am doing.
3. Friends. I have met the most wonderful people thru my 12 step program. Recently I have made new friends thru the Mercyme website. From Indiana to Hawaii! What joy the concerts and chatroom has been. Never been in a chatroom before. Of course, the live version was awesome.
4. The freedom we have as Americans. Free to write what we want, say what we want, and the religous freedoms.
There are so many people who have fought for my freedom. I don't know anyone personally, but thanks be to those brave men & women.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

First Posting

Hi. I'm starting a blog for 2 reasons. First, I have been chatting with a bunch of great people thru the S.L.O.B. on Mercyme's website. I've never really done anything like it before and am enjoying it immensely. Second, I am a recovering addict. I have had 3 back surgeries. They were successful to a point. Some of the fragments did permanent nerve damage, along with massive amounts of scar tissue wrapping itself around nerves. I stole from my employer to supplement the pain meds I got from my pain management doctor. It didn't end well. I went thru treatment 16 months ago & have renewed my relationship with God. I would not be the person I am today, if not for treatment, and continued recovery. Working with a sponsor, attending meetings, and giving back thru service work. I do not take pain meds today, except acetaminophen. It is harder some days than others, but you know what? I am a better person today. I am a blessed child of God and am so thankful for that.